meatloafing

This weekend was a little rough. We rode the Cyclone again and hurt ourselves. Dinner with our good friends at DiFara did little to alleviate the pain.

Meatloafing: i had a bad difara experience
it was sad :/
Slice: wha happen?
Meatloafing: out of cheese
romano or whatever
crumbly
also used sage instead of basil
and the son who sux was working
son w/ really bad posture had night off
and daughter wasn’t there
dom and son got in a tiff
son stormed off, started sweeping
idk

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As cranes hover in the Williamsburg sky, prices at Dumont Burger have soared even higher. A regular burger now costs $13. What? Dumont Burger, get real. Hold your horses. The condos aren’t filled up yet, the economy is collapsing, and the neighborhood will always need an excellent, moderately priced burger. Don’t you already sell your burgers at a higher price at regular Dumont? And presumably an even higher price at Dressler? [We love both places. —Ed. ] And you guys just opened the takeout place next door. So I’m guessing you’re doing well, and I don’t see how jacking up the prices is really necessary. Respect the customer. But anyway, if you want to sell $13 burgers (formerly $11.50, I believe), allow us to make a few suggestions:

• Add a cup of finely shredded red-cabbage coleslaw to the plate
• Place one or two onion rings atop fries (or next to salad, if that option is chosen)
• Turn up the fucking heat in the winter so we aren’t forced to opt for takeout even thought we planned to eat there, and the drive to my house basically ruined the fries
• Buy some stools with backs
• Put lemon in your water without me having to ask

The weekend is here! Sorry about our meager posting lately, but we’re still reeling from the New Year’s Eve theft incident. I’m waiting to buy a new computer until the iMacs get a little bump. Macrumors.com just told me that “new Penryn based iMacs would be seen next Tuesday, continuing Apple’s pattern of weekly announcements since Macworld.” Fuck you, thieves! Seriously, you are scum and I hate you.

You are a unique and beautiful snowflake.

• Our good friends over at Lunchboxr have started a Flickr group. When you add your photos to the group, your lovely lunch appears on the Lunchboxr home page. See, there’s my grilled cheese sandwich from yesterday. Fun!
• Snow is pretty, but wind and rain? No thanks! Get yourself a Nubrella, the revolutionary umbrella that won’t flip inside-out.
• Jesse L. Martin announces departure from Law & Order; the world cries. So much for my JLM–Jeremy Sisto sandwich. (But he’ll be playing Marvin Gaye in the upcoming biopic, so the world cries again, but the tears are made of joy, not sadness.) [Variety]

• Pretty safe to say that Yum Thai is finally gone. It sucked anyway, but when will a good Thai restaurant open near me? [Midtown Lunch]
• The Pond at Bryant Park is closing tomorrow. Eff u, Fashion Week! Stop by and say hello to our friend Dan as he dismantles his fruits of labor.
• Twins separated at birth met and married. [Reuters, via Brooke] (I’m honestly not sure what I’d do in this situation…you can’t undo what’s already happened, so maybe just stay together? Weird/sad.)
• National Treasure: Book of Secrets sucks ass. Not even a good dumb-movie-on-a-lazy-Saturday choice. Enormous and not overlookable plot holes. Nicolas Cage just gets uglier, and I don’t understand why my beloved Helen Mirren was in this shit?

Please do not steal my stuff. Theft is an extreme invasion of privacy and leaves victims depressed, angry, scared, and prone to an irregular appetite.

How to Make Your Home Safer

1. INSTALL A DEADBOLT! If you have one of those locks that just looks like a regular doorknob but with a double lock–kinda thing, get a deadbolt. They are cheap and easy to install if you get a handy friend to do it and not a locksmith. Even if your super tells you that the lock you have will be sufficient, don’t listen! (Legally you are probably obligated to give a copy of your key to the management.)
2. Make sure you have bars on all windows
3. Keep sensitive files hidden on your mac or pc. If you have an external hard drive then store it in a drawer or closet when not in use.
4. Get to know (or at least greet) your neighbors even if they’re weird and don’t initiate conversation. Everyone enjoys a friendly hello!
5. Occasionally wear baggy jeans and a stained t-shirt while doing neighborhood errands.
6. Keep your local precinct’s phone number handy, or dial 311.

• Tragedy at DiFara last Wednesday: They’re out of artichokes until sometime this week. They were also out of porcini mushrooms, which was troubling but not as heartbreaking as the lack of ‘chokes. We had to order sausage, which was fine, and eggplant, which wasn’t as fine (it was chewy and weird, but luckily half the pie was plain…mmmm). Meatloafing urges you to call DiFara before you make the trip.
• We Went to the Movies: Awhile back, we caught an advanced screening of I’m Not There at the Tribeca Cinemas. Saw some d-list celebs and aggressively blitkrieged the hors d’oeuvres people at the reception and Q&A sesh with Todd Haynes. But my main reason for mentioning the film is that I think you should see it because it is amazing and Cate Blanchett is amazing, but much of the movie confused the hell out of me and I wish I’d done just a bit of research prior to the screening. I think even if you know a decent bit about Bob Dylan’s life, you’re still going to be like “huh” if you don’t know what the filmmaking process involved. Maybe not though; I could be dense.
• Midtown Lunch scoops out the 53rd & 6th daytime cart and its legitimacy. Is it for real? (Who cares, really? The daytime cart tastes delicious and there’s no way I’m going to wait in (on) line for an hour to get a cart dinner.)

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - MIDTOWN - DAY

BEN, a 24-year-old Korean-American male dressed in jeans a black sweatshirt and black hoodie, is walking down Sixth Avenue. He’s carrying his lunch in a plastic bag with Chinese characters on it. It’s lunchtime and the streets are alive with tourists and office workers all looking for something to eat.

As he approaches his building he sees a Chinese delivery man on a bike nearly get hit by oncoming traffic. The delivery man then chains his bike to a light post with incredible efficiency and runs into the nearby building.

INT. THE HIPPODROME - LOBBY

Ben enters the building that the delivery man had also just entered. There’s a security guard at the front desk in the lobby talking to the delivery man.

SECURITY GUARD

Oh man, another one… Delivery?
(Louder) YO, Delivery!?

Ben looks up to realize that the guard is talking to him.

BEN

Uh… no.

Perhaps thinking that Ben can’t speak English, the guard yells even louder.

SECURITY GUARD

YO! Delivery! Over here!
(to somebody else) The second delivery guy is here.

Annoyed, Ben ignores the guard and walks to the elevators.

I don’t hate all cops. I’ve dealt with plenty of decent ones. Some truly are assholes though. I asked this cop why there aren’t more of them on the streets, and he says there’s not enough of them. Go back to your house on Long Island and watch Desperate Housewives, dude. I’m sure having 10 cops standing outside Toys “R” Us in Times Square is really necessary. Anyway.

Covertly obtained audio clip from Sunday’s quasi-mugging

Riding in a police car yet again

Bryan: so what happened
Bryan Quinn: time to eat the donuts
Mollie: hi
Bryan: you alright?
Mollie: what did u hear
i’m fine
Bryan: barrie just said you texted her that you got mugged
figured you were probalby ok if you were texting about it
Sent at 11:51 AM on Monday
Bryan: so?

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